Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fresh Wounds, Part 2: "I was making choices for myself..."

This is the second part of one woman's story of being controlled and manipulated. Read Part 1 for The Back Story.

The Breaking Point
I had been with my boyfriend for about seven months and I knew deep down inside that I
loved him. I was just afraid to verbalize it. He had I had been bickering here and there
and we 'broke up." We ended up working things out and getting back together quickly. This my mother did not support at all. That fight made me realize how much I loved him and how much I wanted him in my life. It sucks it took that to make me realize but I finally did. I loved this man with everything that I was and I loved who I could be when I was with him.

This is where my mother started to protest. She finally let it all out about how much she
hated him
. She did a celebration (not in my face) when we broke up. In hind sight I
realize many of the problems in my relationship with my boyfriend went back to my mom.

I would get upset with him over something stupid, like I didn╩╝t like the shoes he was
wearing, and after talking about it with him, all would be fine. He would leave and I would
go talk to my mom about it and she would make it seem like it was the WORST thing
that anyone has ever done. How could he wear SNEAKERS! So then I would get
angry all over again. I thought, “mother knows best” and she would never lead me
astray. She knows I want to be with this man so she would never try to convince me to
end things with him. I was so wrong.

She was jumping on every opportunity like that to drive a wedge between us. I was
blindly listening to the person I thought was my best friend. I thought my mom (and my best
friend) was guiding me for what was best for me. No she was leading me in the
direction she wanted me to go
. She did not want me with him and every day her
conversation was leading to that. I felt so stupid after I realized this.

Back to the “break up”... my mom used this chance to drive a further wedge between
us... she would make up lies about him on a daily basis to make me think he was this
horrible person. Lies like... he is a child molester, abusive, controlling.... Just so we are
100% clear, he is none of these things. He is gentle, caring, loving, and would do
anything to make the people he loves happy. If anything he puts his needs behind
others and sacrifices his health to do so.

It took me getting to this point with my mom to realize how controlling she was. My best
friends had seen this all along but I had not. They were able to tread lightly around the situation. They told me 5 years ago when I moved out that I might want to stop telling her as
much as I did. I should have listened to them.

My friends were trying to get me to see that moving out of my parents house and
leaving their job would the best thing for me. I, for months, thought this was not a good
idea. I lived for two months in misery with my mom walking all over me and trying to tell me what to do. The worst part was she was writing my pay checks and she knew what I need to live on my own and knew not to pay me that much.

My boyfriend and I decided we would move in together. I still worked for my parents for
another week or so until they decided to cut my pay by $5 an hour. Then and there I quit.
I was no longer going to deal with this woman. I was finished. I had a lot of people telling
me I need to make this decision and I was in denial that it was the right choice. When I
finally did it, I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Finally, I was cut off completely from my mom (and dad) and living on my own for once
in my life. For the first time I was making choices for myself, not for my mom and me. I
was living with my boyfriend, on my way to starting a new job (that I got on my own
merit), and we had two puppies. I was the happiest I had been in a really long time. Or so
I thought...

Read Part 3, the aftermath.

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