Friday, September 16, 2011

Fresh Wounds, Part 1: "I allowed her to control me too much..."

This woman very recently decided to become free from her parents. Her wounds are still fresh, and she has a lot to share, so her story will be broken up into three parts. 

The Back Story
I always thought my mom was my best friend. I thought I could tell her ANYTHING and I usually did. It seemed so wonderful to have the love and support of a mother. It seemed amazing to go home at night and have your best friend always there. I always thought she was not passing judgement and was being supportive of my decisions. There were a few times in my life when I felt my mom was dictating too much to me what I could and could not do. I just assumed these were normal “mother knows best” situations.

She was critical of almost all the friends I've ever had. In hind sight, this was because I was spending more time with them then I was with her. The only two friends she didn't have problems with were the ones who didn't take up my time, and pull me away from her.

I cannot think of a man that I have dated that she did not have a serious problem with at first or by the end. Too short, weird, not talkative enough, poor grammar, does not make enough money, didn’t go to college, must be an alcoholic, not your type (how does she know MY type better than I do?)... the list goes on.

When I was 24 I was able to get out on my own. My mom and I had fought a lot leading up to this point and I did not have a healthy relationship with my father... I just needed to get out. I did it. I had my own house, a job, friends and I still had my family. I had what felt like independence. But it really wasn’t there. I still went to my parents house 5 or 6 times a week. I would have dinners with them, I would go to watch TV with my mom. She would usually give me the guilt trip if we got too far behind on a specific show we watched together... “you never make time for is about priorities... I guess I know yours...

My mom knew she was losing some control over my life but still every time something went awry in my life I called my mom. I ran to my family for support. In February of 2010 I lost my job... I was no longer able to afford my house comfortably so I had to move back home. I had just watched the move Remember Me. It seemed like it put things in perspective. I wanted to move home, I felt like I needed it. I knew it meant I would again be depending on someone else but it felt right to move home. There are other solutions I could have come up with, but moving home was easiest. Not only did I move home but I also began working full time for my parents business. I was now fully at my mother’s disposal.

My mom was the happiest person in the world when I went back to her.  She had ALL the control back.  She could manipulate my decisions and actions. She was so good at it she did it in a way that I didn’t even know it was happening. I felt like I had my best friend right there with me all the time so it seemed amazing. I was wrong. I told her too much, gave her too much power, and allowed her to control me too much…


Read Part 2 here, about the breaking point in her relationship with her mother.

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