From a contributor who identifies herself as "Paula."
My mother “terminated” our relationship last month. This is the fourth time in my life that she has done so. When she eventually came back around the first three times she deeply regretted her behavior. The last time, which was about 15 years ago, I got therapy to cope with the loss and grief. This time I decided I’m a veteran and can handle it, but it kept getting worse instead of better. I’ve been suffering from insomnia, lack of focus, depression, stomach issues … much like the physical effects of stress from a traditional breakup. When it started to impact my work performance I decided to get help.
Yesterday I met with a therapist and the option of choosing not to welcome her back into my life was presented to me. It has never occurred to me to use the same boundaries I set in other relationships, with my mom. I ordered the book Toxic Parents, and browsed the Internet for other forms of support. I listened to a YouTube interview with Vickie Bergman and learned about Parent Free by Choice. I am so relieved that other people with similar struggles are sharing their stories and supporting each other.
I want to share my stories. There are many, many stories. I think sharing my stories will help me heal and may help others as well.
To be continued…
The interview Paula mentioned is available on YouTube on The Voluntary Life Podcast..
The Toxic Parents book is great. It helped me understand the truth about my relationship with my parents. My boundaries with my mother have been set intentionally by me at this point. I keep away from the toxic parent to protect myself from further injury.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story and I hope you continue to find peace.
ReplyDeleteI too enjoyed Toxic Parents and have two more to recommend.
Divorcing a Parent by Beverly Engel
Breaking the Bonds of Adult Child Abuse by Renee Pittelli