From a reader who wishes to remain anonymous:
I've been reading your blog and am in tears because I'm realizing that I'm not alone.
I'm
in my late twenties and still unemployed, but I hope to be in a
situation where I can pull away from financial dependency on my father.
I've been going back into my childhood and realizing that all my sister
and I went through was abuse: physical, verbal and emotional. If we
ever did something wrong, my dad (and sometimes, my mom) would beat us.
Unfortunately I live in a country where corporal punishment is still
seen as acceptable discipline for children. At least, it was for my
mom. I remember the first time I realized it was Not Okay when I was
eleven: I was watching television, and my dad - without a word - turned
it off. When I protested, he dragged me into his bedroom and beat me
with a clothes hanger and all the while I was screaming, I knew I hadn't
done anything wrong. My mom and sister had gone out and to this day I
still haven't told them about it. He didn't stop hitting me until four
years ago, when I hit him back for the first time. He gave the silent
treatment and acted like the victim for two whole weeks, until *I* had
to be the one to apologize. Aside from the physical abuse, he's
horribly verbally abuse: he shouts and complains about every single
thing, calls us 'sloppy,' has told us to our faces that he'd be happier
if he could get away from us. And since he's the source of income for
the family, if we argue back with him, he cuts things off: he cuts off
food, he cuts off paying the bills. Worst of all, he's a completely
different person to all his friends and business associates. "Oh, your
father is so wonderful! He helped to pay for my son's tuition fees when I
was broke! He's done so much for our company!" He acts like such a
pleasant person, and then when he's at home, he unleashes his rage at
us.
I know my situation, that it's not okay. I've repeatedly told my
mom and sister that as soon as I can take care of myself, I'm breaking
off contact with him. And every time I do, I've been told "But the
Bible said..." and "He's your father...." and "Please forgive him."
Reading your blog, I now know that it's all bullshit. Yes, people
deserve a second chance and so does he. But he doesn't get a second
chance with me. It shouldn't be a tragedy that I'm planning on
cutting him out of my life. The tragedy should be that he is such a
horrible father and husband that he's forever ruined any chance of
reconciliation between us. If my mother and sister want to keep a
relationship with him, more power to them. But as for me, I am done and
am praying for a job that will eventually let me break free and get
away.
Thank you for the blog. It's really put some things in perspective,
and I hope that I can attain some measure of peace in my life, like
everyone who's emailed in.
